Stop Talking At Me and Listen!!
Have you ever felt like this? Like someone is talking at you and just not hearing you? You may be dealing with a Powerful Communicator and how they listen or not……. in communication
In our last post, we discussed the importance of listening in communication. In my Communication DNA model I teach of the 4 communication DNA styles. The Powerful, Playful, Patient and Perfectionist.
In coming posts I will outline how each style struggles with the idea of listening. Their struggles are different but all are real and can affect Communication.
The Powerful Communicator, they are direct, blunt, speak in bullet points. They always strive for RESULTS and love control. They naturally are attracted to positions of power and decision making. Why? Because they love control.
This Communicator has no issue speaking up under normal conditions. They are keen problem solvers and see speaking up as the best way to problem solve. They are also impatient so do not like to put up with the status quo. You may agree that these are strengths.
The struggle they face is influencing others with their ideas and points view. It can be hard for them to build trust with others when the relationship feels one sided, they talk, you listen. Relationships are two sided and listening can grow trust and deepen our understanding of each other. After all the reason we listen is to build understanding.
The unaware Powerful Communicator can offend when they speak over because it is often blunt, to the point with absolutely no sugar coating. The result; people may be influenced (or pushed once) but will then shut down as they can feel bullied. In fact once they have cut you off you may not speak up again. This can reinforce to them that they do not need to listen.
The sad thing is this is not the intention of the Powerful communicator at all. They have spoken up to improve things but this may not be the result. The Powerful communicator like all of us can get caught up in their own world and may forget that every one has their own perception as well as their own ways of dealing with it. They may also simply realise that others want to speak because they keep shutting them down.
So, what can you do?
If you relate to this, you have so many strengths so don’t feel like this is bad news…. Not at all, in fact only a few small tweaks are needed to improve the results when you listen.
Firstly, be aware that you can come off and pushy and controlling, so to overcome this stop talking and allow other to finish. Consider open ended questions not closed ones as they shut down a conversation. Ask an open ended questions and then shhhh, so the person can answer. Be aware that there is more than one solution. Be open to finding the best one, this takes contributions from all sides. Warm up your tone, speak more slowly and inite others to contribute. Oh and please and be interested in the opinion of others! When we listen it shows others we care. This should be the beginning of a conversation not the end of it.
If you are struggling with a Powerful Communicator remember their intention is to improve things, to get results, so do not take their blunt, direct style personally.
If they shut you down or speak over you, hold your ground and say “Sorry I wasn’t finished”, then continue. Yes, this can seem confronting and direct, but that is who you are dealing with, they get this type of communication.
Next time we will spend some time explain how the Playful DNA style has their own strengths and struggles when it comes to listening.
Until then Care, Connect, and be a Courageous Communicator.
Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.