How the Patient Speak Up
In our recent post, we discussed the importance of being able to speak up. In my Communication DNA model I teach of the 4 communication DNA styles. The Powerful, Playful, Patient and Perfectionist. In today’s post I will outline how the Patient Communication DNA style deals with the idea of speaking up. Their struggle is different to the Powerful, Playful & Perfectionist Communicator but their struggle is real and can affect Communication.
The Patient Communicator, they are quiet, supportive, generous and love to help. They always strive for RELATIONSHIPS and love to support and see that everyone is treated fairly. They naturally are attracted to positions of support and help with people. Why? Because they love to quietly make a difference. They do not want to centre of attention or focus, they are happy to be in the background ensuring everyone on is okay.
This Communicator really struggles to speak for fear or upsetting someone or causing conflict. They are so supportive that they find themselves being people pleasers saying “Yes”, when “No” is the answer. You may agree that many of their traits are strengths – they are, support help, generosity. Wonderful traits, necessary traits. However, this style really needs to understand that boundaries are also necessary and that “No” is a safe word too.
The struggle they face is that to them saying “no” means they may lose a relationship, the most important thing to them. They can struggle with change if it may mean offending someone or causing conflict. After all the reason we speak up is to create change. So for the Patient Communicator, Speaking up can be a real challenge.
The unaware Patient Communicator can offend when they don’t speak up. They are also chronic people pleasers saying yes to placate and avoid conflict, BUT if they say “Yes” and then cannot follow through, they inadvertently let people down. Their biggest fear! As you can imagine saying Yes to too many, or trying to please people can be completely overwhelming. They hate to let people down but can do so often when they say “yes” to everyone.
The sad thing is this is not the intention of the Patient communicator at all. They say “yes” because they want to help, they long to help, but like us all they are only human too.
What can you do?
If you relate to this, you have so many strengths so don’t feel like this is bad news…. Not at all, in fact only a few small tweaks are needed to improve the results so you can safely speak up.
Firstly, be aware that you can cannot continue say “Yes” to everyone without letting someone down, including you. Your relationships are strong enough to cope with boundaries, in fact it makes them healthier. A true friend will not worry if you cannot do what they ask, just communicate and they will understand.
Be aware that your listening skills are already wonderful but speaking up is a nice accompaniment to being a great listener, particularly when great communication is a 2 way street. People appreciate it when you speak up and put healthy boundaries in place it shows respect for yourself and others.
If you are struggling with a Patient Communicator remember their intention is to improve things and do not take their quiet reserved agreeable nature to heart. Don’t be frustrated with their struggle they just want you to like them.
Next time we will delve into what can make people difficult. I am sure you will find this very helpful.
Until then Care Connect and be a Conscious Communicator. Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.