Are You a Reluctant Communicator?
Are you a reluctant communicator? Have you ever avoided a conversation? Have you ever just walked away when speaking up would have been a better option? When we do this it is usually based on fear. Fear of the unknown can ensure that we avoid a conversation, or fear of facing confrontation, rejection, anger, the fear goes on and on.
I had an accidental conversation with a couple at a cafe recently and we were sharing all about some great movies we had recently seen. The out of nowhere one of the people began speaking about how they hate allocated seating. I was surprised, I love it, I love the ability to choose my own seat!
He had a different view. He really hated that moment when you get to your allocated seat and someone else is sitting there. I was dumbfounded, why? He said, that he will not raise it with them as a fight will ensue, so he finds somewhere else to sit. He then hopes that it is not an allocated seat. If it is, he will get up apologise and move again.
This made me wonder, how many others feel this way? How many others are reluctant to speak up in this situation? If this ever happens to me, I just show my ticket and say “I’m sorry but you are in my seat” (showing my ticket, with a smile) and they apologise and leave. It’s easy, peasy.
From a communications coaching viewpoint, if we are avoiding conversations like this in a cinema, how many conversations in our workplaces and personal lives are we avoiding too? This concerns me. You see avoiding a conversation most of the time does not fix it. Usually we are just delaying the time frame to face or deal with the issue at hand.
In the cinema, there may not be an issue except that you are reinforcing that if you avoid facing something, you are safe. This is dangerous thinking. The fellow speaking about the seating issue, did not like how he felt when he slunk away to a vacant seat, but, for him that was less painful than speaking up.
Many of us avoid issues for a variety of issues. This is one of the most common reasons people come to me for coaching or training. What I would love for people to understand is that avoidance, fear, poor relationships all get worse with time. The more we delay dealing with something, the worse it usually gets.
Like any problem, let’s deal with it while it is small and manageable. Let’s not let fear rule our lives, you deserve so much more. Next time I will share some simple tips for speaking up.
Until then, Care Connect and be a Conscious Communicator. Let’s change our world for the better one conversation at a time